Goals

I've been wanting to write this for quite sometime, but I felt like I needed to be hopeful and upbeat before I could sit and really think. It's been a really hard month, but there is finally light at the end of the tunnel, Josh gets to go back to work, which means our bills won't fall behind and we'll be able to start saving for Christmas and everything else I'm thinking of.

These are all the things I want to do with my life before I become tied down with kids etc. Josh and I are still young and I love that we can do things together. :)

1) Take a vacation, a real one, I miss the beach so much it hurts sometimes!
2) Start a career, a real one, I really do want to try the paralegal front. I refuse to be a secretary forever.
3) Move to a place that makes us happy, we both like being close to our families, but this just isn't for us...I would really like Virginia/North Carolina area...but really its where work takes us at this point
4) Road Trip, seriously I would love to have the time to get a couple of friends, and hit the open road...the only thing I care about seeing is the Pacific Ocean.
5) Go back to school. If the paralegal thing doesn't work out I would like to go for Social Work. I see first hand what they do and how they help people. It's not great money, but think of the feeling of accomplishment. That's what I want.

These things seem easy. And they are, they just take time. I'm not a wait and see kinda gal, so it's kinda driving my crazy. Anywho, it's finally down on paper, in essence. I think I'm going to sew, bye kids!

XOXO
Ash

Short Update

I haven't been able to write this week, it's been pretty horrible. Josh has been sick, as I've said before, and he had to be admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics and pain meds. I knew I had to keep working since he wasn't able to, but I felt so awful leaving him. I wanted to sleep there, then just dress and go straight to work in the morning but he wouldn't let me. Growl...I hated to argue with him so I just gave in.

I feel like a failure as a wife, I mean leaving him when he's sick enough to be in the hospital, what does that say about me? That I'm devoted to work? Or that we're both way too stubborn for our own good?

Anyways, Josh came home today, yay! but he's going to have to have surgery eventually, boo! So until then we'll be living on my income, which honestly isn't enough to pay the bills. I'm so stressed I could cry. I need to get a second job so we're comfortable, but he doesn't want me to. I mean I understand his point, but at the same time I have to do what I have to do for us. Even if I could moolight as a typist it would help.

Anyways, that's a very short version of my week so far...although the rest of the week shouldn't be too eventful, my boss is outta town!!!! woo break time haha

Continued

Please read the entry before this, in order to make any sense of my rambling ;)

So Saturday Jason, Bridget, Christi and James went to Kings Island. And since they were leaving so early, they all stayed here (which we had no problem with). Josh and I had already made plans to go see my family Friday night/Saturday, but told them it was fine. Our friend Matt is also staying with us this weekend while he waits for his apartment to open up.

Anyways, now that you understand the background this is what happened.

Josh and I came home Saturday morning, to Matt asking several questions. Mostly if we thought that James was turning into a sleeze. He said the way he was acting around "that 16 year old" was far from innocent. He said that Bridget and Jason were upstairs, James and Christi were down stairs with him in the living room. And somehow in conversation Matt heard James say that he paid our rent!!!!!!!!! So he made us look like complete bums, like we were living off of him!

Now as I said before, Josh is the one who has the temper, not me...but I completely blew up. I have never been so mad or hurt in my entire life. So I called his cell, left him a voicemail and stewed about it for the next half an hour.

Then he called, and most is history from there. I started to light him up, then he yelled at me, which made me so mad I was speechless! Josh took the phone for a minute and then gave it back to me. We called him out on EVERYTHING, all the lies, the deception against us, against other people, the fact that he's cheating us, his friends, and himself. He said he never said that, but I don't believe it for a minute. Matt is the most honest person you will ever meet. I trust him with my secrets, my life. James is heading down a bad road. So we told him that until he gets everything fixed he needs to get out and stay away from us.

I felt better, but then the tears started rolling. It was horrible. Josh hugged me then, but I'm pretty sure he was in awe at how I lit into James. Haha that's pretty much the only light in yesterday.

Anyway, you'd think this would be the end of the story...I wish it was. Our friend Ryan dropped by for a few minutes yesterday to pick up his jump drive, so we told him the story (We used to be a very tight group so everyone knows everyone). Then he told us that when James helped him move a couple of weeks ago, that all he did was bitch about putting money into this place, that he was tired of Josh bitching at him to help clean up around the house, because I didn't do anything. I was pissed all over again!

Now it's morning and I'm waiting for him to come home to get his stuff...it's going to be dramatic, I'll keep you updated

Serious Drama

Okay I only have like 15 minutes but I have to at least start to get this off my chest.

My friend James is separated from his wife, Stacy. They fell out like Thanksgiving of 2007, so he moved in with his mom and for the next couple of months tried to make up with Stacy. He acted like him was the victim in all of this, that it was all Stace...blah blah blah you know the story I'm sure.

Anywho, we moved in May, and he has stayed with us ever since. He and his wife decided to divorce and we told him he could crash on our couch until he found a place. He makes twice the money Josh does, and all this time he's never put money back in an effort to move out. So we asked him to pay 1/3 of the rent and electric....he's here more than I am so that seems fair.

Since that point he's done nothing but bitch about bills, talk about us behind our backs, and lie to our faces. I've caught him in more lies than I can count, seriously. Josh and I sat and talked to him one day, and Josh can be an asshole at times. We explained to him that he's not the same person that he used to be and we're not the only ones who see it. That every time we have people over, after they leave they ask "Hey what's wrong with James? He's not social." or "Hey what's up with James he's just not right." And all this time I took up for him, like oh yeah he's in the middle of this thing with Stacy and he just needs time, or he needs his friends right now, blah blah blah. So we told him that he needs to get his stuff together and do something with his life, he can't mope around here all the time.

I feel like the maid. He and Josh both work midnights, so after they go to work I clean the house like no one's business. Josh comes in, heads straight to bed and sleeps all day. James stays up, goes in town, plays video games, eats, etc. There is nothing wrong with that. However when I leave the house in the morning it is spotless, top to bottom. When I come home, Category 5 Hurricane James has hit my living room, dining room, kitchen and bathroom. I swear it's worse than having kids! There are pop bottles, dishes, food, plastic, the tv is on, he's passed out on the couch. It's horrible. So I talked to him about it, a little too nicely looking back, and he said he's would straighten up. As of now, everything is the same.

Then he started talking to our friend Bridget's little sister, little sister....she's 16, James is 28. He keeps saying, hey we're just friends blah blah blah pedofile. He kept hitting on her over and over and over, and we kept telling him, that he was going to get into trouble. Well today the shit hit the fan. I have to go meet my friends for dinner in 15 minutes, but I will finish this tonight.

XOXO
Ash

Work

I hate taking the day off work, all it means is I sit and think about how much I hate my job. How happy I would be without it...

In October 2007 I was estatic because I finally found a job doing what I wanted to do, what I went to school to do, I finally has a paralegal job. It was ideal, I mean I had to drive 35 miles each way, 5 days a week, but it appeared so worth it, just for the experience. Then I met my boss, I almost quit within the week. But several mos and loads of money in prescription anxiety medicine later here I am.

He had 7 legal assistants last year.....I was 7, and I started in October. He is nearly impossible to work for, and he knows it. Everytime I screwed up he would yell, scream, slam down the phone, then act like I didn't exist. Needless to say I cried everyday for the first 6 mos...but I never quit, we were in dire need of the money and I am too hard headed to know when to get out.

The past few mos haven't been as bad, he's finally settled down a little bit. That was, until yesterday. Yesterday was possibly the worst work day on record....and yes it really was that bad.

I have no chance of finding another job, since there is absolutely nothing here. It's kinda depressing to know that you hate your job, but you're stuck.

My husband isn't put together right, LOL. The poor guy has had so many health issues this year I wonder how we're going to make it through the next 50 years. I mean he made a promise and has to keep it haha.

We spent the night in the ER last night. It took 4 hours for them to tell us that he had an infection of the bowels, and here are some antibiotics. He's frustrated and I was so exhausted this morning I called off work, I just can't function with 2 hours sleep.

My boss was kind of a dick about me calling off...I guess that's his job. Being an attorney dulls your emotion. I'm pretty sure he only cares for himself, and his attorney wife, and their attorney to be little boy. Rawr....oh yeah I growled

Not too much more to say right now, other than thanks for keeping up with me.

Quote of the day: Lawyers should not marry other lawyers. This is called inbreeding, from which comes idiot children and other lawyers. --David Wayne (Adam's Rib, 1949)

Goal for today: finishing sewing project

XOXO
Ash

To put it bluntly, I'm in a foul mood. Today has been horrible, and last night wasn't much better. Last night I just felt completely worthless. It didn't really help that I wasn't exactly motivated. First I thought I'd sew, get a few things done...nope tried and failed. Then I thought I'd go into town and spend some money...$4.00 and a magazine later I decided to come home. While I'm out on the town, with my big $4.00 purchase my mom calls...fair enough I enjoy visiting with my mom. Not yesterday, all she called to do was bitch at me...I just came home and pretty much went to bed.

Today was much much worse. My boss was in a terrible mood. Everything was my fault. Now I'm not saying that I don't make mistakes, I do! It was cloudy...completely me, it started to sprinkle...I must have done a rain dance at lunch. Maybe I'm exagerating but it was horrible!

My morale wasn't exactly up as it was, we lost a case that I have been very involved in...maybe too involved looking back. I put a lot into the case and our client decided to change his story on the stand...beautiful. This should teach me to leave work at work.

I'm really not wanting to use this blog as a bitching place, haha more of a creative outlet if I ever get that far.

Anyways, I've decided to end my day on these notes:
Quote of the Day: "But what if Elenore Roosevelt could fly?"--my boss, on people asking stupid questions
Goal for the Day: Clean up the patio, we need to have party soon and it'll have to be outside
Goal for the month: Take more pictures!